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"Southern Steel" A review by: Spazz 12.8.05
- Another crap ass band submitted for review Southern Steel
and here is my review. The music… ummm, I use the term “music” loosely here. The “music” created by Southern Steel is yet another
vibrant lesson in SUCK. All I can make out from this crap is that 3, maybe 5, guys got together and, instead of ass-fucking
one another, decided to play some bad metal. Please return to the private ass-fucking sessions rather than waste anyone’s
time with your terrible attempt at music. I could provide a good list of what these songs lack. However, I am not going to
waste my time assembling a 40 page dissertation entitled “Why Southern Steel Sucks”. I will do my best to sum it up with
the following;
When I listen to this, I hear what Randy Rhodes would have sounded like AFTER the plane crash.
Official word from FYOURBAND – QUIT now before your suck spreads any further.
"Invictus" A review by: Spazz 10.17.05
- I was sent the webpage for a band called Invictus
and here is what I found. I downloaded the single "Lost", which is the
only MP3 they have made available, and immediately that voice in my head
was screaming "Do I HAVE TO listen to this whole thing?" I will tell you
this; I did endure the sound of Megadeth meets Iron Maiden drown in a
used douche bag echoing from the Vagina of a whore, for a total of four
minutes and 20 seconds. In summary, the only good place for this song
is as a backdrop for the scene in CHiPS where Ponch and Jon finally fuck
each other on the side of the highway. Please tell me what the fuck Invictus
means anyway? Was he the rejected, retard Wizard from Lord of the Suck
trilogy? I smell Dungeons and Dragons here boys, come on now sing with
me the tune of the West
Memphis Three!
"The Kings Mistake" A review by: WhiskeyDick McGee
(contributing writer) - So when you send me your band's web page
link, as The King's
Mistake has done, one of two things will happen. One, we might actually
enjoy your music and decide to give you some positive feedback and input,
not to mention publicity. Two, you're going to get totally bashed because
we feel you suck total ass and are wasting your time and ours with your
music. Not to mention the publicity. Below is the review -Spazz
I don't know why they're blaming the King, but the biggest mistake ever
made in Ireland was possibly these fags parents using the rhythm method
and forgetting to pullout, thus belching the members of King's Mistake
out of some poor Irish maid's bloody hatchet wound. Somewhere on the continuum
between sucking donkey balls and sucking gorilla balls, King's Mistake
is a Goth band posing as a hardcore outfit that somehow manages to channel
both the whiny homo-fab of Clay Aiken and the dreary vampire garbage better
left to Billy Corgan. They claim to have won some Irish international
battle of the bands, which leads us to one of three possible conclusions:
1) Ireland is deaf, 2) the King's Mistake was not sterilizing those of
his subjects who would one day spawn these fuckos, or 3) the Irish are
really pissed off at that rest of the world about that whole Leprechaun
thing, and so they have unleashed King's Mistake on the rest of us in
retribution. In any case, King's Mistake should not be listened to unless:
1) you want to seriously damage someone's joy in listening to music, 2)
you just can't get enough of Zwan, 3) you have grown tired of angry femdom
sex while listening to your "It's a Clay Aiken Christmas" album, or 4)
despite driving nails into your eardrums, you can't get that latest catchy
Nickelback tune out of your head. Again, these situations are extremely
dire and therefore require desperate action. If, however, you don't fall
into one of these 4 categories, avoid King's Mistake like a Celine Dion
plague and warn your friends about Ireland's musical famine.
P.S. While we at FYB can in now way endorse listening to King's Mistake,
we highly recommend perusing their band bios and photos. Apparently, the
drums are played by a fella better known as Ears McGee, and the screeching
of insipid lyrics is done by some hair-helmet wearing egomaniac who loves
nothing more than talking about himself in the third [person as being
some kind of genius. Sorry, Brian, we all know that you wrote that shit
yourself, and no one on this side of the pond's going to confuse you with
a genius anytime soon. However, we do recommend you follow the example
of so many other Irish geniuses and drink yourself to death soon. Very
soon. FYB's buying, bitch.
P.S.S. One more thing Brian. I did some research, and while we were all
gangbanging your mum, she revealed this interesting tidbit: "That (oh,
God yes!) Quote on the KM (Holy shit! Yes the DP!) website attr (OH Whiskeydick!)ibuted
to me should (Harder!) have (Faster!) read (all three in the same hole!)
'Brian was never a genius." Unfortunately, before she could reveal anything
more, she died in the middle of an insane orgasm, exploding in a spray
of innards and cum. At least she's out of earshot of king's Mistake, though,
so she's in a better place.
"Stinter" A review by: WhiskeyDick McGee
- Ok friends, there needs to be a new rule about cutting and pasting Jamie
Foxx's head onto your own, and then I'm pretty sure GNR would kick these
fag's asses for what they did near the bottom of their page.
Please tell me what's with the Jamie Foxx obsession? Do you all see these
fags? What's up with the cut and paste frenzy they got themselves into?
Did you waste your time and hear their shit yet? It, simply put, is fucking
awful. Even if these guys put themselves up as a joke, it's one of the
worst jokes ever, because jokes are supposed to be funny, and this isn't.
Come on you hear that shit? Have you ever heard anything so horrible?
Hell, read the lyrics if you dare, I couldn't even get Spazz to, he refused
and then slit his wrists. When have you ever seen such a bad website?
It looks like some retard got let loose on a word processor circa 1987.
I don't buy that they are just a joke, you don't record this much crap
and write these songs just to be a joke. I think they hide behind the
joke thing, but they secretly hope and think people will appreciate them.
A rare few ever attain this kind of gayness in high school, even Fairfield
High School. They are however in the running for worst
band on the internet, so go vote for them and make that shit happen.
"Found Alone" Blunt ass Review by: Spazz 6.20.05
- I took a shit today, and that shit hurt, a lot. So confused and in a
daze I looked into the toilet, low and behold there was a CD covered in
shit. Curious about this strange event I reached into my own pile of fecal
matter and pulled the CD out. I immediately washed my hands and the CD
off and stared in awe at the label, what could this be, and why did it
come from my ass. The label said "Found Alone" and I'm thinking more like
found in a pile of Spazz's shit, but whatever. I inserted the CD into
my CD player and fought through the 3 songs they had to offer. I was verbally
assaulted by the third grade lyrical ability and vocal styling of the
band's singer, Justin Wood. The singing reminded me of Cell Block 4's
notorious bitch choking down about a gallon of the finest gene juice while
singing Smashmouth covers. I shoved this CD back in my ass where it belongs,
but if you are really interested in hearing any of this mess than hit
up their site http://www.foundalone.com
and let me know how you feel.
"Bloarzeyd" Review by: Spazz 5.13.05 - You
must check out Bloarzeyd,
We love these guys...They're intentionally Silly and not overly pretentious.
It's complete non-sense yet reeks of an intellectual foundation, i.e.:
You'd have to be smart to be this kind of funny. You can hear the influence
of bands like Fugazi, and Sonic Youth with a Zappa-esque meets Hardcore
delivery. Just take a look at how these nutbags describe themselves: Sounds
like... a pleasant flower budding on a sunny day in the northern mountains
of Yakajooky with lots of pretty sunlight beams cutting people's heads
off like giant lazer swords from the land of the doody heads. and then
the doody heads are attacked by the japanese like in World War II only
this time it's for payback!!!! and they're all like: "you're a doody head!"
"no you're a doody head!" "you're a doody head!!!!" and then Jay-Z's former
first officer of the navy shows up and he's like WHOA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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